I’m starting this post on Father’s Day while the rest of my home is silent either with people taking naps or preparing for trips that are happening this week. Yes, my younger son is leaving on his last trip ever as a youth group member tomorrow. (today, actually) It got me started thinking on this, the ninetieth post in this series. (Y’all, I am only ten posts away from finishing.) And it got me started thinking about this city, the city that’s been my home for almost seven years. When we moved here, my older son was entering his freshman year of high school. I had a dream. I had a dream we would be able to spend both of my sons’ high school years in one place where they could build some roots. Because I didn’t have that when I was growing up. In fact, in my four years of high school, I went to three different high schools. As you might imagine, that was a hard thing for me.
God granted that wish and that prayer. In fact, it looks like we will be in the same city for most of their college years too. I am so grateful because we and they have put roots down, sturdy roots.
At the same though, I am fearful because we are coming close to the most amount of time we have ever spent in one city during our almost twenty-four years of marriage. Two years from this September will mark the most time we have ever spent in one city–nine years. It probably doesn’t seem like that long of a time to you, but it is an eternity to me. It makes me afraid of what I might lose if we had to move again–our roots. So many people I know here have more roots than I will ever have in one place, and it is not something I want to lose.
Now, by saying that, you might think that I would be sharing my home easily and without reservation. You would be wrong. Because of my fear, I am holding onto things more tightly and not living in the freedom I know I have. It’s the wrong thing to do, I know. I should be demonstrating the truth of Galatians 5:13 instead. “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather serve one another humbly in love.” I should be releasing things to God instead of holding onto them so tightly they might lose their breath. It’s hard though. It’s a struggle to work through the mess of life especially when you think you’re making these sacrifices by yourself.
But, I want to change. I want to release this burden off my heart so I can feel this freedom that God gives us. I want to be able to talk about my hurt and anguish as well as I can write about it. And I want to share my home without feeling inadequate about what I have and without feeling fear that I will lose it all through another move. It’s all a matter of trust, and it starts with trusting God with our biggest resource we have–our homes. Praying that all of us, me especially, would be willing to release our burdens to God so we can experience the tremendous blessings and freedom He wants to give us and so we can be brave in the sacrifices we make for Him!
Praying God’s blessings on you all today!