Yesterday, I did what today’s devotion is asking us to do. I invited you into my pain. I laid bare my thoughts of how I was feeling and told you what God had put on my heart. This is the best way I share when speaking is too difficult. I can write down my pain and anguish, and it helps with the hurt in my heart. It begins the healing process and exposes the darkness in my heart to the light.
Sometimes, I wish I felt more comfortable inviting people into my life to confide in and to trust because that’s really the whole point of today’s devotion. Having relationships with and trusting people in real life. I feel like that’s where I’ve stalled on being brave. The hurt in my heart is too overwhelming to speak out loud.
This is where my writing comes in. When I write about matters like this, I use the written words as my prayer to God with whatever matter I’m writing about. Putting the words on paper instead of keeping them locked in my brain helps me as I strive to be honest in my relationship with God. By writing about it in this space, it’s out in the open, and I feel like I’ve released it.
It would be nice though if some of my friends in real life would read my posts especially the ones I’ve written in the last few days. They would gain a better understanding of my personality and how to relate to me. Maybe one of them would actually understand my feelings. But, perhaps it’s better if they don’t. I might not be as honest if I knew people in real life were reading these musings and knew that I struggled with church and my faith. I might not talk to God as much as I’ve tried to get a handle on why my heart sometimes hurts. And I might even lose the courage to try at all.
I don’t want to give up on church though. I don’t want to give up on my faith. I want to do my best to be a part of this community of believers that God has called me to. So, I might sit in the back of a classroom instead of at the front. I might not talk to anyone except for a brief nod and a hello. I might play with a child instead of having conversations with adults. Or I might just cry and not be able to say why. But, these are my ways of inviting someone in, and I hope someday people will understand. If they don’t though, I know my Lord and Savior does, and He is the only one who truly counts!
Praying God’s blessings on you all today!