It’s been a rough couple of weeks. I’ve only been able to do necessary activities and write things I was sure wouldn’t be seen. I would feel paralyzed every time I attempted to do otherwise. It’s occurred to me over the last few days though that events I keep scanning over and over in my head have resulted in a state of depression which has lead to inertia. I’ve never looked at the two things together so I thought I would go over my thoughts and feelings today.
First, the definition. Inertia is a “tendency to do nothing or to remain unchanged.” Yes, that’s been me for the last few weeks. There’s also another definition you’re probably more familiar with which is from a physics-related viewpoint. Inertia is a “property of matter by which it continues in its existing state of rest or uniform motion in a straight line unless that state is changed by an external force.” Though this definition is used more in science, I could see how it would apply in my situation.
The definition also listed similar words that described some of the same feelings. The most relevant included inactivity, inaction, passivity, apathy, malaise, and lethargy. These are all words I can apply to my present state of mind and have been words I’ve used in the past when I’ve had a depressive episode.
But, until a couple of days ago, I didn’t know that my inability to produce written work was related to my depression. I thought it was more related to the nuts and bolts of this pandemic. Reading one news source that said the end was near or reading another one that said the coronavirus was like the flu. Being upset with the status quo and feeling inadequate because others are so satisfied with the status quo. Seeing other Christians make a point of telling people to stay home without making an attempt to help those who have been negatively affected by the pandemic. Then, people, you thought you knew, step back when they see you. It’s like a top keeps spinning, and you don’t know when it’s going to stop. The boogeyman, who invaded our nightmares as children, has come back on steroids with this pandemic. Fear has invaded our spirits no matter how much we want to deny it.
Here’s what I did with it though. It was so easy, I wondered why I hadn’t done it earlier. I let go of the people who don’t want to be in my bubble. Inadequacy and fear disappeared too. People are making choices right now to have surface relationships because of fear, and I can’t prevent it. I can control how I meet my words and how they pour forth. The thought released a wall in my mind, and a torrent of words resulted which has yet to be squashed. I know this will be an ongoing thing through this pandemic, but it is nice not to feel paralyzed now. Life is going to look different when the pandemic is over, and the choices I make now will help me to move forward. Have a wonderful day!
God bless you all!