It’s the end of June, and I’m watching the rain come down outside my window. It’s grey and cloudy. Just like my month has been–grey and cloudy. Two more weeks, and my husband won’t have a job. (He does contract work though he does want permanent work.) I look at the rain and wonder what in the world God is trying to grow out of this. No money, nothing to give. All I have now is Jesus. Is that enough? God, will you accept just me? I have nothing to contribute to the church body. Do you love me for just me?
As I ask the question, it’s already answered. Jesus died on the cross for me. He didn’t wait for me to throw coins into the bowl beside the cross before He died for me. Giving myself to Him comes before everything else–even in the church. Keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus comes before anything else. This gives me a measure of comfort on this rainy day. I am so thankful that I count as God’s daughter first.
And, because I am God’s daughter first, I can handle what this life throws at me whether we stay here, move somewhere else. or even live on the street. God is using this time to grow me like the rain nourishing the earth.
Rain and tears–God has a point for both though is may not seem like it. I’ve been told that some people can’t handle being around other people’s pain because it reminds them too much of their own. But, we will have pain in this world, like it says in Scripture, and God has provided methods for us to express it. Maybe that is why I’m going through this pain. So, I will understand when others express their pain.
Because my heart wants authenticity in my relationships. I have hidden things for so long, even in church relationships, that it’s hard for me to take the shields down. I’ve hidden bad things because I thought they were anathema to expressing my joy in my Lord and Savior. But, I don’t think they’re mutually exclusive anymore. Joy and authenticity can exist in the same breath. Not from telling a sad person they shouldn’t be sad because of the joy God gives us. But from sitting with a sad person in the middle of their pain and living in the moment with them.
I didn’t think I had anything to write today, but God has surprised me once again. May we all be authentic and joyful with the people in our lives!
God’s blessings on all of you today!