It’s been almost eight weeks since we lost our main form of provision and before this past week, it had been over four weeks since my husband had talked to anyone about a job. He had been doing his part by looking at the job listings every day and applying for the jobs he was qualified for, but no one had called.
We had also been doing our part by praying about our situation. Praying for God’s will to be done, but nothing had happened. I was starting to think our prayers were hitting the ceiling and was discouraged thinking God wasn’t listening.
There are no pat answers for what to think, say, or do when you think God isn’t listening. For me though, discouragement started to set in. I started to think that what we were praying for wasn’t worthy in God’s eyes; that it wasn’t good enough; that we weren’t good enough. God’s concerns were being taken up by other people who had it much worse off than we did so I thought we had been thrown to the wayside.
That’s a hard place to be in, and I wasn’t sure what to do. We had people who were praying for us and loving on us, but we became cautious and guarded like there was an element of shame of being in a waiting period. This happened despite having referenced verses in Scripture about waiting and knowing it was a normal part of life having been through it several times before. As human beings, none of us like to wait, and we don’t think we should have to wait. We think that when we express a need to God that He should be ready and willing to pick up the mantle and solve it for us.
But, what if God is trying to teach us something through this time of waiting? What if He is trying to teach us about trust and about patience? And this is a big thing for me, what if He is trying to teach us to be transparent and vulnerable in front of our Christian brothers and sisters? No likes to be transparent and vulnerable either, and I had not done the best job of being transparent and vulnerable since this whole thing had started because I was…ashamed.
So, those were the thoughts that were roiling around in my brain last weekend. I felt like I was at a breaking point with everything that was going on and wondering when things were going to change for us. I think God knows when we get to breaking points. After feeling a strong urge to ask people to pray for us last Sunday, I awoke on Monday not expecting a whole lot to be different, but then my husband got a phone call for an interview–the first one in four weeks. He went to that interview on Tuesday. Then, on Wednesday, he got a phone call saying that the people wanted to see him again. The second interview was this past Friday. I decided to be transparent in front of people and not worry about what they thought asking for prayers for the interviews both times. And many people responded with prayers and good wishes.
If anyone was not happy with what I shared, they didn’t share it with me. I think that was the point God was trying to make with me. I have more people who will support me than not. And I need to not worry about those that don’t. Somehow, having those thoughts bolstered me, and my spirit was renewed. My faith was strengthened, and I knew what God was calling me to do during this time of waiting–to show my faithfulness and trust in Him while being real and honest about my struggles.
God wants us to be real and honest about our struggles and not be ashamed. I think this will be a lesson I will be working on until I am done with life here, but it is a lesson I am committed to learning. So thankful God doesn’t expect me to be perfect and is always willing to teach me.
God’s blessings on all of you today!